Sneaky Word Tricks!
Words are hard and fuck me if people don’t appreciate this fact more.
It isn’t 1 specific thing either, but the spelling of certain words, the length, and some times the just ridiculous nature of them. This article is going to attempt to explain just how hard words can be. So if for some reason you are out there thinking, Hannibal words are easy. I am here to show you exactly why you are wrong!
Honestly I could probably just leave it at the title. Words are hard, and we all fucking know it. Need I say more…Oh you expect more. Fine then lets go!
Bad Language Warning
Some of what I am about to talk about enrages me to the point of horrific language. So if you are offended easily or have entered in to a love affair with the English language you might just want to click away now.
Also this article is specific to the English language as that is the only language I speak. If you want to bring up counter points that disprove things I say using other languages. I invite you now to kindly fuck off.
Right let start with the spelling. My god English language can you pick some rules and fucking stick to them.
I before e except after c. Unless we decide fuck that just do it anyway. Yes I know this rule is a simple little rule made to help children, but it is a lie, and it is bullshit.
I mean look at words like yacht. that doesn’t look like the word yacht. why is there a ch in the middle of that. more importantly who the fuck thought A made an o sound. Yacht is aggressive, but it isn’t even the worst.
I would say at least five percent of all waking hours of my life have been ruined by the fact the word subtle is spelled with a b. I am so angry at literally every person who thinks this is ok. Spelling is hard enough with out trick b’s just hanging out in words they have no right to be in.
This is even before I talk about things like a silent p. I mean we have pop filters on microphones for letters like P. It is an extreme letter. When p is used you should need a spit guard just in case. But yet some psycho put a silent p in front of the word psycho so I have to use the word that is making me angry to describe said psycho.
While I am talking about psycho. This is a word that has absolutely no right to be spelled this way. from start to god dam finish it is fucked up. A silent p, a y even though the letter I already exists. then just to top it off ch that makes a sound like just the c or a k could make.
Then you have words like restaurant that lets be honest are just to long. I no the u belongs in there but I can never quite work out where it is meant to go.
Just too long
We all know syllables are a thing but some words just think it is funny to take all of them. It is truly horrific how many words feel the need to have more syllables than they deserve.
Take a word like “Indubitably:. Look at that word. It doesn’t really serve a purpose. it just exists and it is too long and hard to say.
Lots of words are too long and honestly we need to shorten them. I mean you can just say indeed. so much shorter and it basically means the same thing.
Have you ever found yourself stumbling over words. guess what, this is almost exclusively the problem of the syllables in question. Just tell them to fuck off. Because words are hard.
Right homophones are the biggest lie the English language has to offer. Words that sound the same but are spelled different.
If you have made it this far in this article and lack the understanding of what these are. A homophone is 2 or more words that sound the same but are spelled differently.
This can include bullshit like to, two and too.
I mean one of those is a god dam number. Why the fuck are we spelling it out like animals!
It isn’t even the only number that feels the need to be this fucking stupid. both 4 and 8 do the same thing. Let us not even talk about weather, there, which and however many other words are just little time bombs waiting for us to stumble over them like the land mines of the word kingdom.
Did you feel like that last sentence fell apart on me. did I have a breakdown in my analogy? Absolutely I did. Time bombs and land mines are not the same thing, Also words don’t have a kingdom.
If I was a true cunning linguist I would have crafted a much better analogy. I would have shaped the words like clay and baked them in the oven that is my mind. Better still I would have heated those words in the forge that is my brain. Used my mouth like a hand gripping a sword hilt. A sword crafted from only the most majestic words. A sword with which I would wage war on the scourge that is the word kingdom and all it stands for.
Alright I am wildly off topic but that was my favorite line I have ever written in a BSG article so you can all suck it.
Ironic in ranting about war I even through in 1 of those dam homophones. Wood and would is a fine example of why words are the worst! I think it is time to go back to communicating by dancing like bees. Wait did humans ever communicate through dance. Fuck it they did now.
Also Sword. We either need to say it differently or spell it correctly. I don’t care which but as humans I think we need to take a stand.
Ok back to the point. Homophones are a trip up in spelling. Fuck knows I still use the wrong homophone in plenty of places.
Homophones are also weirdly annoying in that the use of the correct spelling of the word is contextual. That is to say you use the different spellings in different places. That means if we apply the same logic to why we have them. and just accept 1 spelling of these words and just understand what people mean when used in the different contexts. We could just drop the concept of homophones all together.
That or just make some new words that don’t sound the same. We make new words all the time lets fix this homophone bullshit once and for all!
Fuck you English language get your fucking shit together.
Let us not forget the uselessness of some letters just adds to the issues felt by billions of people around the world. As they stumble through words and sentences struggling to make themselves clear through the miasma of badly spelled words that are either too long, or full of letters that don’t belong.
Take the letter q for example. It could simply be replaced with kw and it would function the same way. But Hannibal kw is 2 letters and q is just 1. Yes but q requires a u most of the time anyway. We could ditch the letter q entirely and we would all be better off.
Sure we would have to learn a new alphabet song but we would be better in the long run.
While we are at it. Y is just a fucked up i. We could replace the y with i any day and we would notice no real difference. Also y smells funny.
C and K also often serve the same roll in words. I mean for fuck sake we put them together some times for no good reason. It is aggressive how pointless having both is. Also k is one of the worst offenders for being silent and that is not ok.
Right stopping for a second. I am fully aware of the irony of ranting about the uselessness of the letter k only to end it with not ok. Don’t point it out. it is just another reason the English language can lick my nut sack.
Back in and on the subject of Silent letters which I touched on above, and why they are seriously the worst.
K, P, g and plenty of other letters feel the need to be in words but not make a sound. Letters are just sounds, and we use these simple sounds to make longer sounds that are words. You are not allowed to show up and be silence sounds! That would be like a torch with no light bulb. you would call that torch fucking broken!
Have I Made my Point
So have I convinced you. Are you on my side with the understanding of just how hard words are. Did you read this article and finally realize all those sneaky tricks letters and words have been trying to pull on you your entire life?
Or were you always on board. Did you understand long before you read this article just how hard words are.
No matter if you are a convert to the words are hard camp or a supporter from the word go. You can show the world by getting your hands on, and body in to a words are Hard shirt.
Also if you know some prick who thinks words are easy. Show them this article or get them a words are hard shirt.
It is time we took a stand against these fucking words!
Grab a words are hard shirt here.
Like and share this post if you like it or think people need to know just how hard words are. Also drop a comment below if I missed anything about how fucking hard words can be.
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One Reply to “Words Are Hard!”
Well, I know what I’m going to purposely do now. 😛