Tank Battle – Endless Boredom


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Tank battle Review

I wanted to put in a bunch of puns about tanks. But the secondary title of endless gunner makes those puns not work. So never mind.

Introduction

Game: Tank Battle.
Platform: IOS.
Developer: John Sturt.
Now here I would normally say lets jump in. I would have several sections talking about different parts of the game including a rating. But I am not going to break this up. So brace yourselves because here goes.

Tank Battle Endless Gunner

So lets start with the title. Tank Battle Endless Gunner a title 2 words longer then it has a right to be but with out those 2 words no one would ever find it on the app store. Seriously type Tank Battle in to the search box and you will find yourself scrolling through dozens of results with out this coming up.
So once you get past the title and paying the 2.99 price tag on the Australian app store. [We will come back to that price.] You can get the game and start playing.
Another endless gunner, runner, shooter, booter, looter game. Because we haven’t had any of those in a while.
But what is tank gunner battle endless? The honest answer is I don’t know.
I loaded up the game and hit start assuming like any normal person that a tutorial giving me help on the controls would come up. Sadly I was mistaken.
Now I am told that on the main screen if you hit help some instructions do come up. However as I was unable to work out how to get my game back to that screen I never read them so can not speak for how much help they actually give.
So for my game play experience this is what I got.
You are shown a screen that has things like forward, reverse, targets, crates, fuel, and a few other bits of info like wind on it.
As far as I could tell if you hit crates before pressing forward you would go to a crate. I am not sure at that point if you were picking it up or smashing it but either way you got there.
If you hit target the real game play would start. It was the same as crates but now you got a gun shot sound. a weird tinkling sound and finally a sound that seemed to indicate destruction of or fornication with the target.
I am not sure which you did but in this game that lacks a climax both options seem equally unsatisfying.
If you reduced enough targets to a quivering mess of orgasmic bliss or scrap metal the wave would end, at which point the game would spit out a bunch of useless information that I only bothered to read about twice.
So basically shoot the thing receive stars for doing it. Oh stars are a thing. I am sure they have a use but I never found it and couldn’t bring myself to keep playing long enough to find out exactly what that might be.
The only other feature I worked out was that if I tilted my phone it seemed to adjust the angle of the barrel of my tank. However this worked about as well as throwing a puppy off the roof to see if it will grow wings.
I say this mostly because I never worked out what it really achieved when I tilted it.
After less than 10 minutes of play I was left asking my self 2 very important questions.
1: Why did I bother buying this?
2: Why am I still playing.
The first was because I thought I could review it for this blog.
As to the second I realized I had a point, so I put my phone down and went and had a wank.
In a Venn diagram this game would fall perfectly between boring and pointless.
Maybe if you can find out what your meant to be doing and like games with no ending you can find a speck of joy in this.
But truthfully I wouldn’t recommend this game to any one.
This is a simplistic idea that has nothing to justify the price tag that goes with getting it.
I am not going to bother rating this game, If you were thinking about buying it my suggestion is don’t.
If you wish to support the developer more power to you.

Conclusion

Have you played Tank Battle? What did you think and was I to critical?


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