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Worst World Records.
I don’t know if a time will ever come where I learn to not post stupid jokes on Twitter that become articles. But I doubt it…
Introduction
World records can often seem unattainable, and for the average person they are.
Even though you can honestly do anything and get given a world record for it some are slightly more difficult than others.
But I honestly wondered what would be the hardest record to get.
I didn’t really come up with a good answer so here are 3 that I don’t believe I will ever achieve.
Background
Before I jump in I thought I’d take a moment for people to truly appreciate how ridiculous the existence of this article really is.
This all came from a Tweet that was at the time 100% a joke. I include 3 completely fake article ideas just to see peoples responses. Weirdly several people said I should go with it and write 2 out of the 3 ideas. I even had people messaging me voting out of the 3.
It also took on a life of its own later that night on Team Talk. As I discussed with several friends what records would be the hardest to attain.
So after searching the Internet and thinking of some weird shit. We decided that these 3 would be the hardest.
Run Rabbit Run
We start with the most mundane of the 3.
The current world record for the fastest 100 meter sprint is 9.58 seconds.
Now I have so many reasons why I will never attain this world record.
First and I can’t stress this enough. Why would you want that world record. We have cars and other vehicles that can carry you that fast and much more and it doesn’t require any where near as much work.
Secondly I just don’t think my body is capable of that. Honestly you could set my house on fire and start the clock and you would be lucky if I made it out of bed in 9.58 seconds.
My parents told me growing up that I could do anything I set my mind to. Thankfully I never set my mind on this.
Side Note 1
Before we move on I would just like to take a moment to truly appreciate some of the strange, weird and wonderful world records that have been set.
I recently bought a tactile Rubik’s Cube and thought to look up what world records might exist from that. I discovered that a person managed to set the world record for the most number of Rubik’s Cubes solved under water in one breath.
If you were wondering the answer is 6 and he did it in 2 minutes and 17 seconds.
The other amazing one I found was the guy who smashed 111 bricks with his head in 35 seconds. I am not sure why any one would want to do this but hey it is a perfect lead in for my next one.
I will punch you with love and kindness
While breaking 111 bricks with your head is impressive. What is also equally impressive, stupid, and weird is the guy who broke 584 bricks with his bear hands.
So again I have a few issues with trying to break this record but I am going to talk about the main one.
I am 27 years of age as of writing this post.
Wait, wait, yep checks out 27.
At this point in my life I have never once thought I want to break a brick with my bear hands.
Now if this thought has never crossed my mind, I feel like we have a very long jump from I want to break 1 brick to I want to break 584.
Also I really don’t think I have the hands for it. It just doesn’t seem like something that would be possible to do!
Side Note 2
This has nothing to do with records but I did suggest a few other post ideas and I thought I would include them. So enjoy the following brief review of the escape key on my key board.
In my opinion the escape key is a very over rated key. Sure it is useful but getting pride of place in the top left hand corner is a little bullshit!
I mean we all use it but who really likes the escape key little uppity cunt!
But in fairness this is a review and that is purely opinion. The truth is my escape key works perfectly fine. It is small enough that it doesn’t take up to much space but large enough that it is easy to reach.
It has a smooth push and over all I would say that it works very well.
4.5 out of 5.
In to the hole
Some records seem like they would be too hard to achieve even with a life time of practice. Some seem so stupid that it begs the question why any one would want to do them.
So the record for a base jump through the smallest hole, which in this case was a cave opening just 8 feet across fits this bill on both counts.
I can’t even imagine how I might go about doing this as a blind person. I have never done anything like this so I lack the training, and I have no vision so I feel making sure I got through that opening would be dam near impossible.
But on the other hand why any one would even want to do this is also beyond me. One mistake and you could be crippled for life or dead.
So if you fail you are dead or really fucked up. and the reward if you successfully complete it is a meaningless world record that no one gives a shit about!
This is absolutely top of my list of world records I am least likely to ever achieve.
Side Note 3
While talking about these world records some one asked what record I would be most likely to actually break.
I think that would be least number of countries visited. Now you are probably saying wouldn’t that be 1 if you have never left your country of birth?
But I would argue that your country of birth doesn’t count. You aren’t visiting that is where you live so at the moment my score would be zero. But so would a lot of other people. So how can I break this record.
If I was to declare my house a Country but then denounce that country and rejoin my land of Australia I would then have lived in 2 different countries.
Now assuming that I didn’t leave my house country in the short amount of time it existed I would still have never visited another country but I would have lived in 2 different countries.
Now some how I have a double 0 in countries I have visited and I believe that I would hold the record for least countries visited.
Don’t argue its science.
Final Thoughts
I truly hope you all enjoyed this little bit of fun.
As strange as it seems, this article started life as nothing more than a joke on Twitter so I Hope I can come up with more dumb Tweets in the future.
Side Note 2.5
Yes I included a third Idea in my original Tweet so here is a list of 10 colors that start with Q. Keep in mind I couldn’t actually think of any so I might have made a few up.
Quiet green: Keeps to it self.
Quality red: Ironically Used infrequently to the fact it is a pretty horrible color.
Quiffition: Absolutely real shade of gray.
Aqua: I mean there is a q in that one some where.
Quivering Blue: Not actually blue but to afraid to admit it is yellow.
Quilting orange: Favorite by people who make quilts and other blankets.
Quidvitch: Not to be confused with quidditch the fictional Sport from Harry Potter.
Quaggan Brown: A reference to Guild Wars 2.
Queen Red: The color of the Roses in Alice in Wonder land.
Queef Green: See a doctor if you know this color.
Conclusion
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