Where did it go?
If you are blind and have a prosthetic eye you have probably said something along the lines of, “oh shit my eye fell out,” at some point in your life. This article is born from that phrase. So lets talk about some of those weird stories.
So this article has very little actual information. This was just an idea that got kicked around and I thought could be funny.
Over the years of having prosthetic eyes I have both had my eye fall out and heard many stories of the same. So I am here to tell some of my favourite stories.
For those who don’t know the standard prosthetic eye is a piece of plastic that can be slipped in to the eye socket. Despite often being called glass eyes they are very rarely made of glass in modern times. Also any one that questions my terminology in this article can suck it cause I am going for comedy not facts on fake eyes.
But let us jump in to some of the fantastic stories of dropped and lost prosthetic eyes.
Student: Miss? Miss? Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: You have just come in from lunch so no!
Student: But miss my eye fell out.
I mean lets be real it can happen. But as strange as that conversation can be really what is the teacher going to say. During my time in school my eye didn’t fall out to many times. However I do recall when I was quite young running along and running straight in to a pole. my glasses snapped and my right eye fell out.
I mean how many sighted people can say I ran in to a pole so hard I knocked my eye out.
Than again I can’t tell you how many times I got asked to pull my eye out during school. Any time a new student came to the school at some point some one would tell me to pull out my eye to show them.
How ever a friend of mine had a slightly different experience. Just chilling in school he went to rub his eyes and accidentally 1 of the eyes fell out. Now this would be some what unremarkable if it wasn’t for the fact it hit some ones leg on the way down and rolled to the front of the class. Suddenly that teacher got an experience they never thought they would get. Handing a prosthetic eye back to a student.
But to be honest I feel like any blind person with prosthetic eyes who went to a main stream school probably pull the eye out more than it fell out. I certainly remember removing my eye either to show people, freak out squeamish people, or just cause I was bored.
I do recall accidentally dropping my eye in to the bag of a friend and they freaked out so much they never used that bag again.
Have you ever woken up with that nagging feeling something is wrong. Maybe you are late for something. Maybe you can’t tell what time it is and you may have over slept.
Well I have woken up missing a fucking eye so………
Yes this is a real thing, I think it has only ever happen to me twice. But I have woken up and been thrown in to panic mode when I realised my eye had fallen out. The funny thing is I swear this had never happened to me but than one day a friend told me about it happening to him. some time in the following month it happened to me.
But as bad as that is nothing could quite top the story I was told by some one for this article. Apparently a blind gentleman was engaging in how do I put this… They were fucking.
Any way he was on top and going at it only to have his eye fall out mid sexy time. To top that off it fell in to her open mouth. I mean I know the hole spit or swallow debate but she really should have spit there.
I think if there is a moral to this story it would be please remove all prosthetic eyes before the act of sex. Actually don’t this story was much funnier.
Also nothing to do with anything but I would love to have glow in the dark eyes. That would freak the shit out of a partner if you didn’t warn them.
Out and about
When you are going about your daily life things can go wrong. Maybe you left the shopping list at home, perhaps it is raining and you forgot the umbrella, Did you forget it was casual Friday? or did your eye fall out at an inconvenient moment.
I went to see a play at the lovely Sydney opera house in January 2018. As A person who doesn’t dress up often I had to say being all dressed up in a crowd of well dressed people was shit but that isn’t the point. Still it probably would have been awkward no matter what we were all wearing when mid show my eye fell out and rolled several people away from me. I almost felt bad for the three or four people that had to pass it along the line to get it back to me. But hey they got a fun story and so did I.
I mean I feel it would have also been awkward for the person who’s eye took a tumble in the back of an Uber. I bet it wasn’t in his job description to drive people around and help a blind passenger find his eye in the back seat.
Still nothing like the friend who was acting like a dick at the top of some stairs and his eye fell out. Now this wouldn’t have been to bad if they weren’t on the eleventh floor of an apartment building. To cut a story that isn’t that long short. They found it on I believe the fifth or maybe fourth floor. The only silver lining in that story is that the eye came through with out so much as a scratch.
That eye isn’t coming back
So as bad or awkward as an eye falling out can be. A small fear exists for all prosthetic eye owners. The idea that little piece of plastic we call an eye might not be coming back.
I have heard the horror stories from plenty of places. Lost down the toilet, dropped and broken, down the drain and plenty of others.
But some stories are a little well, different.
I was once told about a group of blind students who were taken to some amusement park. Several support staff were on hand to help out on the day but they had one slight miss step. Apparently several students wanted to ride the biggest roller coaster. Unfortunately no one told them they had to remove any prosthetics such as eyes. To once again cut the story short here. 6 prosthetic eyes were lost in one go round of the coaster. I imagine some parents would have been pretty pissed off that night.
My story of a lost eye sadly comes because of a fucking wave pool. For those who don’t know a wave pool is exactly what it sounds like. It is a pool that you can swim in that has a machine that makes waves at 1 end. I was in one of these with a friend when sadly I got hit in the face by a wave. Moments later I surfaced and realised my eye had fallen out. My friend tried to help me find it but no luck what so ever. I called the place a few days later but no one ever handed it in.
What was the point of this article. I didn’t really have a point to be honest. This was just something that amused me so I wrote an article on it.
Got any good stories, Chuck them in the comments below.