Curse of the Crystal Coconut review


Curse of the Crystal Coconut – by – Alestorm
Review – by – Hannibal.

Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks, Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks.
As I am a pirate Captain, doing this review is fitting!
Today we will be talking about the sixth studio album by Pirate metal band Alestorm.
So let us dive in to the 7 seas and check out this interesting album.


Album: Curse of the Crystal Coconut.
Band: Alestorm.
Record label: Napalm Records.
Released: May 29 2020.


If you know me much at all, You probably know that I love metal and comedy. I also am kind of strange so this album is basically everything I could ask for!
Its crazy, its got some good music and some of the songs barely deserve the title of song.
So lets talk about the best part of the album. Honestly many parts of this album are amazing but I think my favorite track is Zombies ate my pirate ship. Off the title alone you might think it is just a stupid song. But it brings so many amazing elements together.
The melody is catchy and has a very melodic feel. The heavy vocals make this song feel nice and heavy while the guest vocals in a softer part of the song provide a brilliant counterpoint.
It is one of the best and most well executed songs on the album and was easily one of the biggest highlights for a first listen.
Another highlight was Shit boat [no fan]. This song is short and fucking stupid. The lyrics pretty much breakdown too, Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks, Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks!
But this is what I love about modern Alestorm. This song would probably be terrible if it was a full length song; Bbut it is less than a minute and a half, and is just a bit of fun.
The last really amazing song I want to talk about is the song The Wooden Leg Part 2, The woodening.
So you can find the first part on Alestorms fourth album. Part one is about a pirate who has both arms and legs cut off and replaced with wood.
Part two sees our pirate friend hunt down those who cut off his arms and legs and returns the favor. Taking there limbs and replacing them with his wooden ones.
This song is epic and also about 8 minutes long. The amount of work that went in to this kind of crazy track is amazing. But in the end it works so well and it was worth the 5 years wait for part 2.
I could go on and on about all the things I like about this album. From the opening 2 songs being fucking amazing to the fact the 1 serious song on this album is in the middle and a really dam good track.
I could even talk about how the song which gave the album its title is a cover from a 90s fucking cartoon.
But in the interest of balance and making sure this review doesn’t go for 12 pages lets talk about the few things I didn’t like.
Trying to come up with things I don’t like about this album is actually hard but I have 2.
First is one of the singles and the fourth track on the album. This song is called tortuga.
In the end this song is just super disappointing. It keeps feeling like it is going to build up to something epic, but it never delivers.
This is worse after the first chorus which has the song drop in to a fucking gangster wrap style song complete with guest vocals.
It is the only song on the album I really don’t care for.
The only other thing I would say is disappointing are the bonus tracks on the deluxe addition.
Just shitty 8 bit mixes of the songs with the vocals added over the top. Alestorms bonus tracks are usually dumb but these are mostly just boring.
But the fact I had to include these bonuses…basically remixes of the songs to come up with a second bad point about the album says allot for how good the album really is.


I really like Alestorm from the 6 studio albums they now have to seeing them live. This album continues so much that I love about them and they do so much so well!
9 out of 10.


If you enjoy this let me know what your favorite song was.

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