Food Fails Part 2
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Food for thought.
If a sighted person has never sniffed something to check if it is alright or shaken a bottle to see how much is left. They are missing out on some valuable life skills.
introduction.
It always seems like a cop out when people make a part 2 of something. Come up with more original content. But never the less here we are. More blind food fails for your delight.
Before we jump in I have a little story which I to this day find almost amusing but it pissed me off at the time.
When I took cooking as a class in high school my teacher didn’t like me using the large cutting knives we had. First she had the school by a chopper which was much safer but also much slower and incredibly annoying to use, and clean.
So I refused to use it. Secondly she tried to get who ever I was cooking with to take any cutting tasks so I wouldn’t even touch a knife. Finally she just tried to stop me using it all together by saying I wasn’t allowed.
This meant my mother got involved calling the school and told them that I was blind not stupid and I was perfectly capable of using a knife. secondly it was a high school cooking class they were meant to be teaching us proper ways to prepare food so if she was even half the teacher she thinks she is, She should be able to teach even a blind person how to use a knife properly.
This stopped my teacher trying to stop me using a knife and ironically I never did cut my self but she did during a demonstration she was giving one day. That prompted allot of jokes about her not using knives any more.
Don’t Fuck With The Chicken!
When it comes to the kitchen you often hear about people making mistakes with chicken. Not cooking it enough, or leaving it out to long. When I was in school we had to do an entire week about safety practices around preparing chicken.
However this story comes from a person who wished to remain nameless who had a double blind moment when it comes to preparing food.
Now the first part of the story is one I can relate too. One night this person lets call them Jack. Jack and his room mate had ordered take out one night and had some left overs. So they put them in the fridge to eat later.
Here we arrive at our first mistake. Jack’s room mate had put fresh chicken in the fridge in a similar container as the take away containers.
The following day Jack grabbed a container from the fridge and either with out checking or not checking properly stuck it in the microwave.
Now you can guess what happened, the container he put in the Microwave was the container of fresh chicken.
The second and much stupider mistake was deciding that because he had heated it up he might as well eat the chicken. Improperly cooked from raw chicken to microwaved, which honestly sounds revolting the end result was violent food poisoning.
This was a mistake, followed by a bad choice that includes one of the most disgusting plans ever.
Seriously don’t eat chicken that has only been microwaved. Reheated fine but not just cooked.
Sauce? what sauce?
I wasn’t originally going to include this story because I was pretty sick at the time but in the end it still kind of funny to me.
When I came out of hospital I had allot of trouble eating. My meals for most of February were beans, noodles and rice for the most part.
It got so bad that as rice was the main thing I could eat my mum was cooking big batches of plain rice and putting them in the fridge in small bowls so if I was hungry at any time I I could get my self something.
As plain rice is pretty bland and as my sense of taste slowly returned in mid to late February I was trying to mix sauce in to the rice to at least give it a little flavor.
But as my taste wasn’t very strong this means that over all the sauce didn’t do much at first. That is why this fail gets double points because I ate the resulting mess with out realizing what I had done.
I really like sweet and sour sauce so mum got 5 or 6 little containers of sauce and put them in the fridge. One night at probably 3 in the morning having had to wake up to take pills I was hungry and I had skipped dinner so I new I had to eat something.
So I got up heated up some rice. mixed in the sauce and managed to eat the entire small bowl.
Now I new the sauce I wanted was in the door of the fridge where the butter normally went. Mum had put it there so I would know where it was. So it is completely beyond me why I took the similar but not the same type of container from the second shelf.
Now I know at the time I was sick. but I can’t for the life of me work out how I didn’t notice the fact that I had mixed coconut oil in to my rice.
I had left the container on the sink so mum realized pretty quickly the next morning what I had done. It does explain the stomach pain later that day.
Also if you are wondering why a small container of coconut oil was in the fridge. I to this day can’t explain that as everyone in the house denies putting it in the fridge.
The Banana in the Blender
This story actually comes from the notes I had left from the first part of my food fails article. It is awesome that I had stories left over but sadly I didn’t put names with any of my notes so who ever told me this story. Sorry I can’t credit you. Feel free to let me know if it was you and I can credit you after the fact.
So those who like a good banana smoothy would know that making them really isn’t that difficult.
But this person managed to make a very simple mistake. They read a recipe and followed it to the letter. Sadly the recipe forgot to mention before cutting up and placing in the blender you need to peal the banana.
This problem I will grant you isn’t exactly a blindy fail. However I honestly believe most sighted people would have seen a banana smoothy being made or would have seen pictures with the recipe and probably wouldn’t have made this mistake.
But blind or not this was just stupid and I actually think this should go under the category of idiot in the kitchen.
Banana Bread?
Well keeping with the theme of bananas this next story comes from our very own Pyro who you may know from his time on Survive the wild or BSG Streams.
Deciding to get to some quality baking Pyro thought he would try and make Banana bread. This is a fantastic idea because banana bread is fucking amazing.
But sadly when he took it out instead of lovely fluffy banana bread he had a sludge like banana pudding.
So he tried again with the same result. Believing it might be the pan he bought a new metal baking tray to hold his banana bread creation only to end up with a third batch of Banana sludge.
You might be right now even trying to think of how he could have fucked this up 3 times in a row. I ladies and gentlemen am here to inform you that Pyro was putting sugar not flour in his Banana bread.
All of us keep in mind he did this not once, not twice but three times.
Lets just be glad Pyro isn’t making bombs for the military.
Ctttcluding thoughts
Before I finish up I would like to point out that some one did point out after my part one article that sighted people do make mistakes in the kitchen as well.
I will be honest I trust that everyone is aware that I am not saying sighted people don’t. These are just some stories of how blind people make some mistakes in the kitchen because they are blind resulting in funny stories.
I grew up in a house with a dad who’s skills in the kitchen were almost non existent. Between setting garbage on fire with the stove, melting a cutting board on the same stove, drying the ever loving shit out of paste by trying to re-heat it in the oven not the microwave, and probably lots of other things I don’t remember. I am well aware some sighted people are far more idiotic and dangerous in the kitchen.
Conclusion
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