Five things About Physical Books

This is not a Shelfish post.

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Five Reasons Why Physical Books Are the Best

This is a post that’s been on and off the shelf a few times. Get it? It’s a book joke. Okay, I’m done, let’s get on with it.

Introduction

It feels like forever since I wrote a blog post. Please, no one check how long it’s actually been.
Anyway, we don’t need to talk about that. Also, this isn’t a conversation. This is me writing words, and you reading my words. Really, I could delete that last line before I post this and no one would know. But I didn’t, so I guess we both lose. I wasted time writing it, and you wasted time reading it.
Now this inner monologue (which I guess became an outer monologue when I wrote it down) has gone completely off-topic.
Let’s just jump into today’s topic…whatever that was.
Quickly reads title again and starts a new heading.

What Are We Talking About?

For some reason, I firmly believe physical books are amazing. Why, you ask? Well, this article will explain why.
Braille fans, please simmer down! This one’s not about Braille. Sure, some of the points might apply, but overall, this is about standard print books. Braille books suck. They’re too fucking big, and I’d cut off three fingers before I’d read a full book in Braille in 2025.
If you like reading Braille, that’s fantastic. Read on, but just know you’re not going to get any of the sexual pleasure you get from Braille books from this article.
Side note: I’ve been told reading Braille isn’t a sexual thing, but like ASMR, while I understand that logically, I’m denying your reality and substituting my own.
Now, the truth is, I think audiobooks are the best way to read a book.
That said, I don’t believe there’s a “wrong” way to read. Braille, audio, eBook, physical, whatever works for you, go with it and enjoy the story.
Still, audiobooks are the best. And the best part of this being my blog post is that I get to say that. I don’t even need to preface it with “in my opinion.” I can just state it as a fact. Fight me.
Anyway, I’ve talked up audiobooks, shit on Braille, taken a jab at ASMR for no reason, and other than the title I haven’t even mentioned what we’re supposed to be talking about. So how about I stop talking shit and start the list, where I will continue talking shit, but at least it’ll be on topic.

The List

As someone who’s been blind since the age of two, I’ve never really experienced a physical book. So this list is based on fantasy, and what I imagine the best parts of reading physical books would be.
Despite that, this is all true!
For the record, I do own exactly one physical book: Seven Deadly Sins by Corey Taylor. I bought it back in 2012 and got it signed.
Anyway, let’s go through the reasons I think physical books would be the best reading medium.

5: Bookmarks

What more could you want? When you’re listening to an audiobook, you just hit pause when you stop and play when you start again. Simple. No fuss. But that means you never get to use bookmarks.
And honestly, bookmarks seem fun as hell. I’ve seen ones shaped like animals, ones with funny quotes, ones with beautiful artwork, all kinds of them.
I’ve met people who collect them. Boxes of them. People who have a favourite bookmark. That kind of thing seems fun, and exactly the kind of nonsense I’d love. But sadly, I’m stuck with a fucking pause/play button.
Sure, bookmarks have their downsides. If one falls out, you’re shit out of luck. And if you’ve got a friend, family member, or roommate who’s a dick, they could move it just to mess with you. But still, I think it’d be cool to be able to use fun bookmarks.

4: Bookshops

Have I been in a bookshop? Yes, of course. But did I get the full experience? Absolutely not.
First, imagine just walking into a store and saying, “Hey, I liked this book. Do you have any suggestions?” and having someone reply, “Absolutely, why don’t you try this?”
Yes, websites and Google exist, but sometimes you just want a person (someone who reads a lot) to give you real suggestions. For me that person is Smoke, but maybe a person who works at a store that sells books could work as well.
Then there’s the joy of browsing shelves, looking at all the different covers (more on that in a second).
Then the feeling of walking out with a brand-new book, holding something tangible in your hand. The digital world has taken that feeling away from us.
These days, if you even find a bookshop, half the store is dedicated to selling toys, games, mugs, and other random crap. I get it, they have to survive, but it’s just not the same.
Side note: I realized after finishing this post that I never mentioned libraries, even in passing. So here’s the mention this article originally lacked. You’re welcome, libraries.

3: The Cover

I love collecting things…especially useless crap, so the idea of books with fancy covers really appeals to me.
When authors I like release special editions with custom artwork, all I can think is, fuck, I wish I could see those.
As I get older, the idea of owning complete series with matching covers appeals more and more. Having a collection of my favourite series that I could display would be amazing.
And on that note, we move smoothly into the next item on my list.

2: Bookshelves

The idea of having a set of shelves lined with all my favourite books? Incredible. Reading a series I love and then proudly adding it to the shelf, well that sounds perfect. When authors release fancy new hardcover editions with coloured edges, putting them front and center on the shelf would be even better.
I think that’s fucking sick, and I’m jealous of all the sighted people who get to do it.
Also, the fact that LEGO now makes LEGO bookends only adds to the appeal.
Confession time: When I first wrote this list, I didn’t number the sections. But I titled it “5 things to love about physical books.” Later, when I went back to edit, I realized I actually had 6 things. So I had three choices:
1.
Change it to “6 things.” My brain hated that, so no.
2.
Remove one. Could have, but didn’t.
3.
Add a “2.5.” So here we are.

2.5: The Last Page

I can’t speak for everyone, but I get a little sense of accomplishment when I finish reading a book.
Sometimes, though, the end sneaks up on you. When you hit “epilogue,” you get that feeling of, damn, I’m nearly done. For a great book, that’s a little sad. For a bad one, it’s more of a “finally.”
But sometimes the epilogue drags on forever. And if a book doesn’t have one, the ending can come out of nowhere.
I think having that final physical page (that clear “I’m done” moment) would really hit harder. But alas, I only get the narrator saying, “The End.”
On the other side a shit book would have a real. Thank god it is over moment with that final page.

1: Throwing the Fucking Book Out the Window

Have you ever finished a book and thought, fuck, that was incredible? Or the opposite? A book so bad you want to punch a wall?
That’s the thing about physical books: when one pisses you off, you can do something about it. You can say, “No. Fuck this book. I hate this book and I hope it dies in a fire.” Then you can chuck it out the window, into a bin, or straight into a fire. Literally make it die in a fire.
Being able to physically show your love for a great book, or your rage for a terrible one is important. Deleting a shitty MP3 file just doesn’t compare.
Let’s be real, chucking a book out an open window, especially if it’s raining or you’re on an upper floor, would be way more satisfying.
Does this deserve the number one spot on the list? Absolutely not. But it’s the punchline, so I’m sticking with it.

Final Thoughts

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this. My guess is you didn’t, but it was fun for me to write. So thanks for coming to my book talk.

Side Quest

I have a random story that seems relevant to this article.
Those who were Harry Potter fans when the books first came out might remember how wild the release days were. When the seventh book launched, I wanted to go to the midnight release at my local bookshop. But I had to go to the airport with my mum to pick up visiting family.
My friends went and told me how crazy it was. They got to the store at 7 a.m., and it didn’t open until 9, but there was already a massive line. After waiting two hours just for the doors to open, it still took them another 45 minutes to get in, buy the book, and get out.
After hearing that, I was actually glad I didn’t go. I wouldn’t have wanted to wait in line for three fucking hours.
The funny part? While we were at the airport, we walked past a newsagent just as they opened. And there on the counter was a full display of the new books. So on the way back, we grabbed a copy.
Thank you for reading my pointless story about a bookshop.

Conclusion

Let me know what other things I should write lists about. Drop a comment. or don’t. I mean most people don’t but hey.

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