What Is With All These Balls

A history of balls and where it all got started


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If you are a regular player of Survive The Wild, then you have heard allot about balls. You might even be one of the normal balls users. If you are a Swamp player, chances are you hate balls and don’t understand why all these people keep saying it. The one thing I get asked allot more than someone might think is, “what is up with all these balls?”, “why does everyone keep saying balls?”, “what the hell is going on?”. Well I will attempt to actually explain where balls came from.

An early history of balls

It all started many moons ago on our TeamTalk server, born out of jimmy mumbling and the rest of us being ass holes. Anyone who has talked to Jimmy knows he has a tendency to not quite annunciate, allot of people do this, Jimmy was just unlucky enough to be on a server with a bunch of pricks; mainly me and Pyro. When he was sober it was okay, but when he drank he became almost impossible to understand. It was just natural for jokes to start about his constant mumbling, well at least it was natural for us, maybe it wouldn’t have been for nicer people.

For some reason the joke that stuck most of all was balls in his mouth being the reason for the mumbling. We didn’t just go straight to balls, attempts were made with other variations on male Genitalia, but balls just seemed to be the best fit. It became quite regular to say things like, “Jimmy get the balls out of your mouth I can’t hear you.”, or “Jimmy do you have balls in your mouth again?”. It seemed to be a perfect match made in heaven, balls and Jimmy’s mouth.

A Beautiful original song

The next reasonable thing for me to do was to try to find a song that expressed Jimmy’s love for balls in his mouth for him. This was because he refused to admit his love for balls, in fact he seemed to strongly dislike us saying he had testicles in his mouth all the time. I did a simple search on YouTube for “balls in your mouth” and found something titled exactly what I was looking for. This was a delightful gold strike, and it summed up everything so nicely.

Of course, after hearing this song the first thing I did was download it so I could stream it on TeamTalk for everyone’s enjoyment. I don’t recall exactly how Jimmy felt about this, but he seemed to be a good sport about it. It also had the effect of switching the story to jimmy swimming in the STW oceans, mouth agape, so he could get all the balls in his mouth. This became a slight joke among all STW players at the time, granted back then that was maybe 10 or 15 on the English channel max, so it did not have much traction at this point.

The new song, and drunken livestreams

It was not long after this me Jimmy and Pyro decided to start doing STW Livestreams on twitch. Looking back, it is pretty clear it was just an excuse to get boozed up and fuck around on STW. Before the live streams we had no excuse, this at least gave us a slightly justifiable reason to do it, or at least that is what I am telling myself now. It was during the first livestream I introduced everyone to the customized version of “balls in your mouth” by Jimmy Fallon and Brad Paisley. I edited it up some with sapi, it was not well done by any means, but the goal was never to be professional, it was to make folks laugh. You can listen to the clip below. It is terrible quality, Jimmy was the levels checker, and he really shit the bed on this stream.

Now, this did not take off during the live stream, back then twitch was an inaccessible pile of horse excrement, so not many people managed to see the stream live. It became a part of the overall STW culture after black screen gaming was created, and the stream’s archives were hosted on the site. When everyone who played was able to listen and download the streams whenever they wanted, everyone started to see the joy of balls. As a side note, when I create my next cover band, they are definitely going to be called the joy of balls.

the spreading to current

So balls started to take off, people were randomly using balls in the game chat, it was on skype, and slowly balls became a way to express all sorts of feelings and thoughts in a nice simple new way. This was helped by Jimmy’s new love for balls, he grew from someone who hated balls to the biggest and loudest proponent of all things balls. At first it was a slow burn, but once part of the story became available for everyone, balls grew and took on a life of their own. Now it is common on just about any game to hear someone say balls, or mention of some other form of Genitalia to express a variety of different things.

There is no solution for those on other games who hate balls and who get annoyed when people say it all the time. Though in my experience they have just replaced balls with boobs and now they seem to be happy. This is expected however, what kind of sick person isn’t happy when thinking about boobs? Though I may propose for all, to criticize someone for saying balls when you make random animal noises in chats and pretend to be said animals making said noises, this is no less annoying to everyone else than someone saying balls. Something comes to mind about a structure completely made out of a very brittle and fragile material and throwing heavy solid objects inside the structure. Anyway, that is the history of balls, this is how it has turned into what it is, and why you hear it around so much. Like a slow but persistent strain of herpes, it just kept spreading. If you would like to blame anyone definitely blame Jimmy or Pyro. Why? Well just cause it is better than blaming me.

A Brief Introduction On How To Use Your Balls Properly
As an introduction or Farewell
“Balls to you.”
interchangeable with hello, howdy, or goodbye.
Inflection matters, this can have undertones of pleasure, indifference, displeasure, or all the way to fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Showing displeasure:
”Balls to that!”>
Similar to saying to hell with that, or I disagree with that.
inflection matters, it can simply mean I disagree, or fuck that shit sideways.
Asking is anyone here?:
”balls?”
notice the question mark to denote the pronunciation.
To express moderate frustration with a failure:
”Well, Balls.”
Notice the comma to show the proper place to pause. the length of the pause is used to express the amount of frustration or displeasure. One can also choose to extend the word balls to express further frustration or displeasure.
To express being very frustrated with a failure or situation.
”Fucking balls!”
There is normally no pause between fucking and balls in these circumstances, it is more common to draw fucking into 2 distinct words, fu-king.
To Express that something is very wrong, or very bad:
”Oh balls!”, or “Shit balls!”
With the former it is common to draw it out for emphasis. With the latter saying it faster denotes the severity of the situation.
expressing general anger:
”Fucking Balls!”
This is self-explanatory, the more angry or louder someone says this, the angrier they are.
The catch all
”Balls”
This 1 can be used to summarize and replace any of the above statements. However, to properly understand the correct meaning of the one saying it takes extreme understanding and experience with balls. This is not recommended for the balls novice.
Variations and replacements of balls

There is an unlimited amount of variations and personal twists on the above statements. No two person’s balls are the same, each individual brings their own twist to balls. It is impossible to give everyone the equivalent of a doctorate in balls in one simple blog post, but with some practice you can at least hold your own in a simple conversation.
You can insert other body parts, adverbs, and adjectives to further express your feelings about something, or your current emotional state. Some examples include but are not limited to, “titty balls”, “ball dick ball”, “fucking ball dick ball”, “hairy balls”, “testicle balls”, or “ball sack”. All of these are just variations on the above listing, usage all depends on inflection, who is saying it, where, and the circumstances surrounding it being said.
It is also not just limited to balls, yes I know this is very exciting. You can completely replace balls with other body parts. Some examples include but are not limited to, “hairy boobs”, “squeaky dick”, “weener dicks”, “fuzzy muffs”or even in some circumstances inanimate objects like, “anal beeds”.
The most important thing is to just have fun with yours and others Genitalia. And keep in mind it does not only have to be limited to human body parts. There are plenty of ways to have fun with animal Genitalia as well. You might be surprised how often everyday life calls for using horse, donkey, or cow Genitalia. Think outside the box, being creative is very important.

Either way, whether you hate balls or not, at least now you know the full story, and until next time, balls to you.

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